Our favorite game around here is called, “Why is the Baby Crying?”
The rules are simple. One of the babies starts crying. Then a parent must figure out why said baby is crying. the winner doesn’t get anything in particular, except the possibility of temporary happiness.
I’ve gotten pretty good at this game, probably because I’m the primary caretaker around here. Usually I can tell almost instantly which kid is crying and why. I’ve heard that this is a mystic power which only some mothers can do, but I have to say that when Guy was a newborn I was totally clueless as to why he was crying. The poor kid would be wailing, I felt like I had tried everything and he still wasn’t happy, and I would call up my mom for help. She usually had n answer for me, although usually it was to nurse him, and while that usually worked, it got to the point where he would nurse 20-30 minutes, fall asleep on me, and cry the second I moved, even if it was just to take my sore nipple out of his mouth. Eventually I started to pick up tricks, like to hold a pacifier up against his lips and do a switch which involved tearing my breast out of his mouth, stuff the bink into his mouth as he opened up to wail, and then shove it back in his face so he thought I was still nursing him when, in fact, it was just a pacifier in his mouth. After a couple of breathless minutes he would fall back into a fitful sleep and I was free to move my breast away from him, but not move him or myself in any other way or pull my shirt back down. Then in about an hour I would repeat the whole thing all over again. He wanted to eat constantly and I was exhausted and sore all the time. No wonder I ended up bottle feeding him! I’m sure he was the problem and not my supply or anything, because once we started formula full time, he would eat 8 ounces every hour and a half. And that was at three months old! But if we didn’t feed him that much, he would scream and scream until we gave in. Toby was much easier, thank goodness.
Once those first few weeks had gone by, I began to get more in tune with Guy’s schedule. When he started crying, I would go over a mental checklist. Had he eaten recently? How long had he been awake, if at all? When was his last diaper change? Could it be something else? As I started to keep the mental checklist, I started to realize the subtle differences between his cries. At first all his cries sounded the same, sort of like a hoarse siren and not too loud yet because his lungs were still relatively unused. But as he cried more, his lungs developed more and he was able to change pitch and volume depending on how important he thought his misery was. that’s when I slowly became an expert at The Crying Game. By the time Toby was born, she never had any episodes like Guy did, tiny and screaming with a clueless mother. I knew what to do for her, when she wanted food or a change or to be rocked. So here are some of the common cries we here around here and what they usually mean.
The fake cry — not very loud, a bit nasally and easily stopped by smiling at or talking to the baby. Not alarming but very annoying.
The annoyed cry — a bit louder and has a definite whine about it. Usually caused by brother/sister, or by walking away when the baby seemed very happy to play alone. This can usually be fixed by telling the baby that he/she is fine and possibly moving him/her to a different place, away from the annoying sibling, or where he/she can watch you do whatever it is you’re trying to get done.
The tired cry — about the same volume as the annoyed cry, but no whine in it and lower in pitch. The sobs last a bit longer and it’s usually accompanied by eye rubbing in older babies. If you pick up the baby to play, the baby will either cry harder or switch between manic laughing and desperate crying. This means it’s time for a nap, or bed, and the sooner the better!
The hungry cry — Same pitch as the tired cry but a little quieter and with shorter sobs. Only one way to take care of this one, fedd the baby!
The don’t abandon me cry — full volume, low pitch. Used when Dad comes home and then runs out again for a minute to throw some laundry in or pick up milk, or when both parents leave the baby with a sitter. The solution is usually to give out plenty of hugs. This can be stopped fairly easily with hugs and distraction.
The hurt cry — Used when the baby falls or gets hurt in another way. The volume and pitch can vary depending on the level of hurt or fear, but is usually pretty high pitched and very loud. If the baby is feeling really bad it can also be accompanied by squirming. This cry is hard to stop, usually it involves lots of hugging and shushing and sometimes a drink of milk. Of course you’ll need to make sure your baby doesn’t have to go to the emergency room if he or she gets hurt!
The sick cry– Very loud, low pitch, can’t be stopped easily at all. Usually only accompanied by other signs of sickness, like a fever.
And last, but not least, the tantrum! As loud and high pitched as the baby can manage, mouth opened wide, can be accompanied by kicking, flailing, head bashing, and a red, angry face. This is usually triggered by the baby not getting what he or she wants. The best way to deal with a tantrum is to ignore it! Put the baby in a safe place if needed, make sure that all the kicking and flailing can be carried out in a place where the baby won’t fall or run into anything dangerous. Sometimes I have to put Guy in his bed until he calms down for his own safety. Whatever you do, don’t give in to a tantrum! Let the neighbors get mad, let people in the store or restaurant stare. If you give into a tantrum, it’s only going to teach your baby that this kind of behavior works to get what he or she wants, and you can count on more and more of them happening. We haven’t had very many public tantrums yet, but we have dealt with them at home quite a lot, mostly from Guy. Toby has started having mini tantrums, but fortunately her attention span is still only about thirty seconds long. She usually stops as soon as you had her one of her favorite toys. Guy is a bit harder to deal with, but lately all my ignoring has been paying off and he’s learning that screaming is not going to get him anywhere.
The most important thing to remember is that babies mainly communicate through crying. Most of the time, they’re just trying to tell you something when they cry. Once you start thinking of it like that, it becomes a lot easier to deal with.
